Grey Divorce: Survive & Thrive with Fiona Eckersley

Fiona Eckersley is a Confidence Coach, Divorce Recovery Expert, motivational speaker, and best-selling author of Fearful To Fabulous: Unlock Your Power, Move on and Thrive after Midlife Divorce.  At 44 yrs old, Fiona found herself divorced and uncertain of her future.  This massive change resulted in Fiona following her own journey to help clients gain confidence and blast through their own fears and challenges in order to move from Fearful To Fabulous.

Meet Fiona Eckersley:

With divorce rates nationally overall down, the rising numbers of grey divorce are at an all time high.

Fiona Eckersley, Confidence Coach, Divorce Recovery Expert, motivational speaker, and best-selling author of Fearful To Fabulous: Unlock Your Power, Move on and Thrive after Midlife Divorce found herself at 44 yrs old, divorced and uncertain of her future. 

Before launching her own business, Fiona was a teacher, wife and mother and after years of missteps she eventually learned to overcome her own self-limiting, negative thoughts, emotional blocks and incorrect beliefs. Today Fiona is a certified coach who utilizes strategies to help others successfully navigate their brave, new world.

In this episode:

While divorce rates have flattened for most age groups, there is one segment of the populations where divorce rates are increasing for couples in long-term marriages and a national phenomenon known as grey divorce.

Divorce rates in the U.S. for the over 50’s demographic has actually doubled and lack of common goals and direction play a key role in the increase.  Communication is the key in order to avoid divorce but let’s look at some of the primary reasons couples are choosing divorce. 

  1. Longer life expectancies has resulted in people asking themselves, “Why spend the rest of life in an unhappy marriage?”
  2. Active vs. Passive Lifestyles and not congruent with one another’s activity levels
  3. Money and spending habits differ and are much more apparent on a fixed retirement income
  4. Difference in sexual drives
  5. Regret you married the wrong person and not willing to stay in an unhappy marriage any longer 
  6. Some couple’s simply grow apart and realize they have little in common.  The children leave; the couple retires and now they are with someone with no common interests.
  7. People age physically and mentally at different rates leaving one partner concerned about caring for and being responsible for someone who is not aging well or feeling the grass may be greener with a younger partner.
  8. Wanting to self improve your life and the other person not being on board with the “new you.”

Figuring out your new life can be a daunting and scary experience.  Suddenly you find your future which you thought you had mapped out disappears and you have lost your identity and now have to re-establish your life.

Where do you start?  First of all, you have to focus on the future and remove the rose colored glasses.  What are you grateful for?   What do you want in your new life and what do you want your new life to look like?

Analyze those negative emotions and rather than allow anger and failure to paralyze you, remove those negative habits you are using to comfort yourself. Refrain from those behaviors that are self defeating such as shopping, partying or eating and take a hard look at those underlying reasons why you are feeling this way about yourself.

Follow these tips and techniques to begin moving forward with your life.

  1. Have to recognize you need help.
  2. Interrupt the pattern. 
  3. Become aware of the emotion and figure out what is triggering those emotion and replace them. 
  4. Try meditation, journaling and exercise.
  5. Figure out what makes you do self-destructive behaviors
  6. Find a therapist or coach to help you move through this transitional phase of life.
  7. Create new relationships through hobbies and interests groups.

Recognize that your previous support systems may no longer be intact including 

family, relatives and friends and that the social impact of these relationships can be very isolating and it is vital you build new support systems. Begin creating new family traditions and if you have children rebuild those relationships that may have been damaged. 

And finally starting over is hard.  Get to a level where you can forgive and begin to feel grateful for your new life.  

Links & Resources:

Books:

Fearful To Fabulous: Unlock Your Power, Move on and Thrive After Midlife Divorce

Connect with Fiona:           

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